Defining the step wife....

So to say what it is not: a step wife is not cohabitation, or common law wife. You really married her, at least in a civil ceremony.... And that was the beginning of your troubles. The step wife is not amigos con derechos. She is yours when you can catch her, and each time is like the first time, which ironically makes you love the step wife more, even tho she is still the step wife.

The experts, the "marriage therapists" all tell you without asking to divorce. That is their summarily advice at the beginning, middle, and end of therapy. Therapy has nothing to do with it. The other expert is Father Lopez and he says under no normal circumstances may you divorce her.

Your opinion of the experts? Both views are valid and seem more than true, and that is the basis of your problems. You don't want to divorce her, but she does not really fulfill the daily need for a relationship with someone--neither intellectually or in any other regard. Yet, you do see the truth in both experts: no, she does not live up to your expectations but on the other hand, you don't think she is so horrible that you must divorce her.

Furthermore, after so many failed relationships in your life, there is the hint or faint hint at least of the good times. When you have too much time on your hands, she does not suit you. During the regular busy life you have, you hardly see her but she is there sometimes when you need her.

You go on living the ambivalence with the step wife. Yes, you need each other but not daily. You do talk every day but usually via cell phone and the conversation is always the kids. Vas a recojar la nina? cuando? Your mind thinks of something else besides re-cojar. But that occurs later. Si, voy por ella, no te percupas. Hija, estas pensando en mi? click, she has already hung up, or closed her cell. There will be time to discussion later, much later, when you finally see the step wife as a shadow and a snore next to you in the final quiet of the night with some moon glow coming through the blinds. Should I surprise her? No, that snoring is practically my snoring and now the nina is snoring between you and the step wife.